Want more out of TTC in 2020? Here’s how…

It’s a pineapple celebration!

Another year over, yet you’re not just saying goodbye to another year, you’re saying goodbye to a whole decade!

If there is one thing, I know about trying to conceive (TTC), it’s that you can become stuck – in a weird limbo state of unknowing. Your whole life is on hold waiting for two little lines. Plans aren’t made, holidays aren’t taken, and everything revolves around your fertile window and the “what if this is the month?”

It can feel like you’re in a repeated cycle – like some awful Groundhog Day. The cycles replay, the years blur into one.

Another year gone.

Another year older.

Another Christmas.

Another New Year… and still not a mother.

The thing about Groundhog Day – nothing changed until he learnt the lesson, until he changed.

2020 could be another year of repeated cycles, repeated hope and despair, repeated waiting – if you let it.

I don’t know about you, but I think 2020 feels different.

And it’s not just a “new year, new you” thing. It actually feels like real change is in the air, like this new decade is ushering in new promise.

It’s time to make promises of your own.

Don’t let 2020 start in the same fashion that 2019 steamrolled by, or all your previous years of TTC which have eclipsed past.

Promise to make 2020 different.

I’m not talking about New Years resolutions that you never keep. I’m talking about making a significant change big or small about how you want to live and feel in 2020.

I’m not a fan of New Years resolutions. I’ve never been a planner or organiser. It’s not only because 1. Resolutions don’t work; or 2. I lose interest in plans – it’s because they focus on lack, they come from a place of lack, and so any little failure in commitment results in complete abandonment altogether.

What 2019 taught me is that everything must start and come from a place of gain – what do I want to gain or achieve and why? What are my core beliefs that hold me back from achieving? And why do I want to live this way?

This is about lifestyle and a lifetime commitment to living a happy and purposeful life.

This quote from Paulo Coelho summed up 2019 for me:

Not all storms come to disrupt your life, some come to clear your path.

It also sums up how I feel about TTC.

I know it can feel like this major catastrophic storm. I know it can feel unfair and brutal. I know it can feel all-consuming and bottomless. I know.

I also know that it doesn’t have to continue being this way.

It can be hard to start from a place of gain, when you are waiting for your something to gain.

The TTC failures and disappointments can make it difficult to see or even recognise what could possibly be cleared from your path.

You can focus on the years wasted on treatments, therapies and fertility friendly diets.

But why not spend some time reflecting – on your TTC journey and experiences; and decide how you want to go forward?

I’m not saying abandon TTC in 2020.

I’m saying think about how you want to experience TTC in 2020 – because whether you believe it or not, you can control that part. You can’t control the outcome, but you can control how you think and feel about it – and that will make a huge difference to your experience.

Get a diary or journal or some paper and reflect on:

  • How can it be more positive? – what would need to change? What do you read or watch? Who needs to be unfollowed?
  • How can you react to disappointments? – can you honour your feelings without shame or guilt? Can you find the gratitude in your life? If not, what needs to change? What self-care practices can you put in place – meditation, journaling, etc?
  • How can you manage the anxiety? – what is supportive for you? What can you focus on? How can you be more present? What can help to manage your emotions better? Do you need to invest in therapy to get the right support you need?
  • How you want to feel? – sad, angry, resentful? Self-critical? Self-hatred? Or do you want to feel something else? What is the word that will inspire you in difficult times? Courage? Love? You can feel all kinds of things, and more than one thing at once – honour the sadness and disappointments but don’t let it define you. You can be sad and be hopeful. You can go through your TTC storm with boldness and courage, with confidence and belief.
  • How you want to be? – a crying mess in the bathroom? Radiating gloom and sadness? How do you want to be and show up in 2020 and beyond? TTC can only kick you in the ass if you let it!

Lastly…

Regardless of what happens during TTC journey in 2022 or what the outcome may be, know that you are worthy of living a wonderful life. And there is no time to start living a wonderful life then right now.

Ask yourself:

How can you find meaning in life right now? – what do you want to gain or achieve and why? What are your core beliefs that hold you back from achieving? And why do you want to live this way? What do you need to do?

I wish for you the amazing life that you deserve in 2020 and beyond.

Here’s to the New Year and the new decade.

Best wishes

Kezia x

If you need support, I provide infertility counselling and women’s health counselling in Gravesend, Kent, face-to-face or online.

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